Sweeney Todd and the Top 8 Surveys of Myspace
by teamprentiss
Summary: I thought it would be interesting to have Sweeney characters take top eight surveys. Let's hope I was right. Bumped the rating up to T for Lucy's chapter, just to be safe.
1. Sweeney Todd

**A/n: I always thought this would be interesting to do. A Sweeney Todd top 8! It might be a little hard with the few characters, but I'll see what I can do. Hope this is at least a little funny. Review if it suits you.**

**Chapter One: Sweeney Todd**

Name the friends =]

1. Mrs. Lovett

2. Lucy

3. Johanna

4. Anthony

5. Toby

6. Pirelli

7. The Beadle

8. That weird beggar woman

Number one =]

I disapprove of your use of smiley faces

Why is he/she first?

…I don't even know

How long have you known them?

I knew her for five years, then got hauled to Australia for fifteen years, came back, and now I've known her for about a month

Have you ever dated them?

No. And I never will Mrs. Lovett. Because I know you read these

How old are they?

In her thirties maybe? How am I supposed to know?

Are you on there top?

Yes

If so, What spot?

First. She also has a picture taken of me when my back was turned surrounded by blinking heart graphics. It's rather blinding.

When is their birthday?

I don't know

What is their favorite song?

She seems rather fond of that teapot song

Movie?

What's a movie?

Number two=]

Why do you keep using those smiley faces?

Are they a sibling? or like one?

*sob* she was my wife

How old?

Today she would be 36

How long have you known them?

I knew her my whole life

Is it a girl or guy?

She was the most beautiful woman in the world and don't you forget it!

Do you know their middle name?

Lucy Annemarie

Are you on their tops?

Sadly, she's too dead to have a top *sob*

What place?

Stupid judge…revengeeeeeeee

Do you have their phone number?

What's a phone number?

Do you truly like him/her, or did you just put them their because they asked?

I love her with my whole heart! HER AND ONLY HER MRS. LOVETT!

Number 3=]

More smileys? WHY

Birthday?

April 1

How old?

15

How long have you known them?

I should be able to say her entire life. But no. The judge took her. So less than a year

Do they have any siblings?

None, alas, we never had any more children

If so, would you date them?

They would be my children…that would make me like the judge, and then I'd kill myself

Are you on their tops?

I don't know, I don't pay attention to these things

Where at?

o.O

What is their last name?

Barker. Not Turpin. Not Hope. Barker.

Have you ever stayed the night at their house?

The day I go to her house is the day the judge dies

Number 4=]

Incessant smilys…WILL THEY NEVER END?

Why are they fourth?

Well, he's better than Toby

Do you ever go over to their house?

He doesn't have one. He lives on a ship. But I have been on that ship.

Do they live with both parents or one?

He doesn't have parents

When is their birthday?

Like I care

Have you ever talked about them, badly?

To his face. He's too much of an ingénue to get it.

Are you on their top?

I think I'm second, just under Johanna

Do they have any siblings?

Don't care

Where was the first time you met?

Well you see I was in the middle of the ocean, and his ship came to find me

Would you consider their house big?

His ship is

Number5=]

…I'm not talking to you

Why are they fifth?

I don't know. I don't even like him.

Do you have any of their clothes?

He only has one outfit. And it smells

How old is she/he?

I don't know. Like six or something.

Have you ever been to their house?

He lives in my house, unfortunately

Are you on their tops?

I wouldn't think so. He doesn't like me. And that suits me fine.

Where?

Your mother. Oh burn.

Do they have a cell phone?

What's that?

Are they older than you?

Heck no

Do you go to school together?

He doesn't go to school. He's too stupid to have ever been to school.

Number 6=]

I hate you

Do they own their own computer?

What's a computer?

Are you on their top?

He can't have a top. He's dead.

What place?

Your face. Burned again.

Have they ever stayed at your house?

He came to my house once, but it ended badly

Do you have any classes with them?

I'm not in school

What grade?

…

How long have you known them?

I don't know. I'm not big on details

Do they have any pets?

Toby was his pet

What about siblings?

I don't care

number7=]

Bite me

What is their middle name?

Shirley

Do you own any of their clothes?

No. He smells funny.

How old were you when you met them?

That was many years ago. I doubt if anyone would know.

Would you ever date their sibling/s?

Any sibling of his deserves to die. As do you, oh writer of this survey

Are they single or taken?

Who would date him? Honestly?

Do they sing to you?

I dear God I hope not

Are they a good dancer?

I've seen him do a mean tango

Why are they seventh?

He's not the judge is he?

Do you know when they will be/turned 16?

A long time ago. He's old

Number 8!=]

Is this almost over?

Why are they so far back?

It was her or the judge. I chose her.

Do you have their clothes?

She doesn't wear much to begin with.

Have you ever went to the mall with them?

She hangs around my shop. Does that count?

How about made a handshake with them?

I tried. But she started babbling about alms.

What is their middle name?

I don't even know her first name

Are you on their top?

Maybe

Where at?

I don't know

Would you ever date their sibling/s?

Would I date her? I don't think so

Do they sing to you?

Yes. Usually random things about alms, smoke, and fried chicken.

A few questions just for you=]

You disturb me

Do you think any of those eight will repost?

Who cares. The world is a big black whole. We're all going to die anyway

Are you happy this is over?

Rather

Would you have been mad if this was about more then 8?

You told me this was over. YOU LIED.

Have you ever dated any of them?

Lucy…_dies a little on the inside_

Do you think OTHER people will repost this?

Who cares?

How many surveys do you do in a week?

This is the only one I've ever done. Ever.

Was this a good one?

No. Nothing is good.

Now tell each one something=]

You can't make me

Number 1:

We are never moving by the sea. I am never marrying you. Ever.

Number 2:

*sob* Why bother telling her anything? She's dead. *sob*

Number 3:

You are never marrying that girly sailor boy. Ever.

Number 4:

Are you a woman secretly? Oh wait…this was tell them something…I think you are a woman secretly

Number 5:

You smell funny kid

Number 6:

MUAHAHAHAH. I killed you I killed you!

Number 7:

You look uncannily like that mouse in Harry Potter

Number 8:

You're crazy.


	2. Mrs Lovett

**A/n: Hello my sweet ducklings! I'm home sick today and extremely bored so I decided to write another chapter, even though I've only received two hits on the story and one review…but what the heck? You're welcome! Glad to have you with us! (Name that musical and that song!) **

**P.S.!!! THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! LINDSEY LOVETT IS AN O.C. IN MY OTHER SWEENEY STORIES. I RAN OUT OF PEOPLE FOR MRS. LOVETT, M'KAY? If you want more background on Lindsey, read my other stuff. I'd love it if you'd review too. To any of my regular readers, this is an MVR or Barber and his Bakers Lindsey, not In the Arms of a Killer. So they're not married. I may write another chapter of Sweeney's with Lindsey in the top 8…so yeah. **

Chapter Two: Mrs. Lovett

Number 1

What is their name?:

Benjamin James Barker…oh wait…Sweeney Todd…my bad

What is their age?:

37 years, eight months, two weeks, and six days…I'm good at math

Are you dating them?:

If only…

Do you find this person attractive?:

Extremely

Can you tell this person anything?:

I do whether he wants me to or not

What do you usually talk about?:

Oh you know…daisies, gillyflowers, blood, death, pies, the usual things friends talk about

Have you ever gotten drunk with this friend?:

I think if I get him drunk he'll reveal that he's secretly in love with me. So I'm working on that.

Have you ever kissed them?:

On in my dreams…then I wake up and cry

Do they make you laugh?:

He's not really a humorous person. But if he wanted to be, I'm sure he'd be very funny

What are some things you have in common?:

We live in the same building, our businesses depend on each others, we share a mutual love that he will declare someday…you know, normal stuff

What is your favorite picture of this person?:

The one I took when his back was turned. I put it on my myspace and surrounded it by blinking heart graphics. I think it's pretty

Does this person have a job?:

He's the best barber in the world

Why is this person your number 1?:

Because I'm in love with him and someday we will get married by the sea and live happily ever after.

Are you first on their top as well?:

Yes. He says he doesn't know why I'm his number one, but I think it means he's secretly in love with me

Number 2

What is their name?:

Lindsey Antoinette Lovett

Where did you meet them?:

In my shop in the middle of the night when I gave birth to her

How long have you known them?:

All fifteen years of her life

Are you friends with any of their exes?:

She doesn't date anyone yet

Are they a close friend?:

She's my daughter

Do you have similar taste in music?:

We both like to sing, does that count?

Do you like the way they dress?:

She dresses same way I do…so I'd better

What color is their hair?:

Auburn like mine

Have you ever done something bad / illegal with them?:

…no comment…

What's something you talk about a lot?:

Mr. Todd (I usually start those conversations),

When do you see this person?:

Every day

Do they have any piercings?:

She had better not

Do they smile a lot?:

Lately, not as much…I can't imagine why though

Do they make you laugh?:

Quite often

Number 3

What is their name?:

Tobias Ragg

Are they older, younger, or the same age as you?:

Much younger

How did you meet them?:

His crazy eye-talian master came by, then Mr. Todd killed him so I kept him

Have you ever kissed them?:

On the cheek. He's a cute little thing

Do you like them more than a friend?:

He's like a song

Are they single or taken?:

Single

What do you talk about a lot with this person?:

The shop, getting more pies, his gin intake, how much he hates Mr. Todd. Can't imagine why.

Are you close to this person?:

Rather

What are some of their hobbies?:

Working in the shop, tormenting Lindsey, drinking gin

What do you like most about this person?:

He's an adorable little bugger

Do you like the way this person dresses?:

Well he only has one outfit so I don't say much

Have you told this person a secret?:

No. I don't have any secrets. Except one

What do you think this person will be when they get older?:

He'll stay and work in the pie shop forever

Do you have a lot in common with them?:

A little bit

Number 4

What is their name?:

Anthony Hope

Are they older, younger, or the same age as you?:

Younger

Have you dated this person?:

Heavens no. I'm holding out for Mr. Todd

What was your first impression of them?:

He was a lovestuck thing. And also looked quite like a lady

Are you close with this person?:

He does my hair sometimes

What is their favorite band?:

I don't know

Do you have any mutual friends?:

Mr. Todd. Lindsey. That beggar woman who won't go away

What is this person's occupation?:

He's a sailor, but currently a "wigmaker's apprentice"

What was your last conversation about?:

My hair. He thinks I don't use enough conditioner

Does this person have any nicknames?:

Lindsey likes to call him lady-man. I tell her to shush

Where do they live?:

In a ship

What is your favorite memory with this person?:

That time he got my hair perfect. It was one of the happiest moments of my life

Are they a good friend?:

I suppose

Number 5

What is their name?:

Mrs. Mooney

How long have you known them?:

Around fifteen years?

Where did you meet them?:

We were buying meat at the same time in the marketplace, and she commented that my baby was very cute. Lindsey was a cute baby

Have you ever dated them?:

No

When was the last time you saw them?:

A few weeks ago

What do you usually talk about?:

Pies, cats, she likes to gossip, I don't…usually

What are some things you two have in common?:

We both own pie shops

Does this person play any instruments?:

No

Do they make you laugh?:

Not usually. Mostly she bothers me

How often do you see this person?:

Not much

Do you have similar taste in music?:

I don't think she likes music

Do you like this person's default picture?:

She's holding a cleaver. It's rather disturbing

What does this person's headline say?:

Here kitty kitty kitty…. **(a/n yes that was morbid, but I love cats, don't yell at me, I have three and adore them…I just couldn't pass that up)**

Number 6

What is their name?:

The witch formerly known as Lucy

What is their age?:

Lord knows

Are they single or taken?:

Technically she's married. She just doesn't know it

Do you find this person attractive?:

Not anymore

What was the last thing they said to you?:

Something along the lines of ALMS! CHICKEN! CITY ON FIRE! Something like that

Do you have their phone number?:

What's a phone number?

Do they live close to you?:

She lives where she pleases. So sometimes

What is your favorite picture of them?:

She doesn't show up in pictures. She's pure evil

What type of music do they listen to?:

She strikes me as a screamo person

What was this person doing the first time you met them?:

Well the first time I saw her as the witch formerly known as Lucy, she was twitching. Morbidly.

What is their profile song?:

Circus. I don't know why

Do you like it?:

I suppose

Does this person smoke?:

No. She thinks smoke is the sign of the devil. I think she's crazy.

What is their astrological sign?:

Her what?

Number 7

What is their name?:

Johanna Barker

How did you meet them?:

Benjamin came down the show her off after she was born

How long have you known them?:

I only knew her a short while before Turpin took her.

What did you first notice about this person?:

She looked like her mother. Her stupid, stupid mother.

Do you like their profile song?:

Blackbird singing in the dead of niiiiiiight…it gets stuck in my head

What do you usually talk about?:

I don't really talk to her much…she's locked up you see

What is their favorite band?:

I would assume the Beatles…but you never know

What color eyes do they have?:

Blue…like her mothers…grrrrr

When was the last time you talked?:

Well you see, she was a baby when I knew her in person, and then she got locked up, so, never

Would you ever date this person?:

No thanks

Does this person know any secrets about you?:

No

Does this person have a nice voice?:

If by nice you mean higher than every munchkin in the world, then yes **(a/n: I actually think Jayne Wisener is very good, no offense to anyone, just a joke)**

Is this person more shy or outgoing?:

I would think shy, she's never known many people

Number 8

What is their name?:

Sweeney Todd…again! I figured it was only right to start and end my top with the man I love

How old are they?:

37 years, eight months, two weeks, and six days

Where did you meet them?:

The day he and $%%#&* moved in above us

What's an inside joke with this person?:

Pies…hee hee

Do they make you laugh?:

No

Describe their default picture.

It's just a razor…he doesn't like to show his own face

Does this person ever get mad at you about anything?:

Only every day

What do you usually talk about?:

Pies, business, the sea, death, blood, flowers…whatever comes up

Name a band you both like.

I like his singing

Does this person have a dog?:

No

Is this person one of your best friends?:

He's my very best friend

What do you think they will be when they get older?:

My husband

Do they have any tattoos or piercings?:

I don't think so

All Of Them

Who is the funniest?:

Hmm…that might be Lindsey

Who do you find the most attractive?:

Mr. Todd

Which have you considered more than friends at one point?:

Mr. Todd

Who has the best taste in music?:

Mr. Todd

Who is the most musically talented?:

Mr. Todd

Who is the most intelligent?:

Mr. Todd

Who are you closest to?:

Ooh…tie…Lindsey and Mr. Todd

Who do you have the most in common with?:

Lindsey and Mr. Todd

Who is the loudest?:

Witch formerly known as Lucy

Who is the craziest?:

Witch formerly known as Lucy

Who is the most artistic?:

Mr. Todd…death can be artistic too, don't judge me!

Who have you known the longest?:

Lindsey

How many do you see in person?:

Lindsey, Toby, Mr. Todd, witch formerly known as Lucy, Mrs. Mooney, Anthony…all but Johanna!

Who has the nicest eyes?:

Mr. Todd

Who's most fit?:

Mr. Todd

Which have shirtless pictures on their myspace?:

I wish Mr. Todd did

How many wear makeup?:

Lindsey does sometimes…I'd assume Johanna does…Anthony probably wears guyliner, or at least it looks like it

How many are not single?:

Not Mr. Todd!

Which have tattoos?:

Mr. Todd might…

Who knows you the best?:

Mr. Todd knows everything about me…

Who do you fight with the most?:

Mr Todd…and Lindsey

How many smoke?:

I'm sure the witch has smoked a thing or two

How many drink?:

Most of us

Toby too much

Have any of them ever been arrested?:

Sadly, Mr. Todd…it was unfair though

I'm sure Toby has

Who has the coolest shoes?:

I have to say my shoes are pretty amazing

Who writes the best blogs?:

The witch formerly known as Lucy writes some pretty entertaining things even though they don't always make sense

Do any of them share your astrological sign?:

My what?

How many have graduated highschool?:

I don't think any have…I educated Lindsey, does that count?

Which has the cutest voice?:

Mr. Todd

Which has the nicest accent?:

Mr. Todd

Who is the best singer?:

Mr. Todd

Who is the best dancer?:

I'm sure if he tried dancing, Mr. Todd would be

Who is the most like you?:

Lindsey

Who has the best hair?:

I do!

Who has the best makeup?:

Anthony

Who's profile do you visit the most?:

Mr. Todd's

Which can play guitar?:

I'm sure Mr. Todd could if he tried

Who do you talk to the most?

Mr. Todd


	3. Anthony Hope

**A/n: I'm very impressed with the response I've gotten! Six reviews for two chapters, not bad. I had no idea if you guys would think this is funny or not, glad you have. I'm also sitting in Computer Applications class right now…SO. NOT. PAYING. ATTENTION.**

**Nelliethepieangel: I totally love you for mentioning Miss Swan. "Was his hair long or short?" "Yeah, long or short." XD**

Chapter Three: Anthony Hope

WHO ARE THEY?

1. Johanna

2. Mr. Todd

3. Mrs. Lovett

4. That crazy beggar woman

5. Toby

6. Johanna's birds

7. Beadle Bamford

8. Judge Turpin

HOW DID YOU MEET?

1. I saw her in a window and she's beautiful so I decided to marry her

2. I saved him from the rabid wallabies in Australia!

3. She owns the shop below Mr. Todd

4. She asked me for money once and then rambled about random things

5. He works in Mrs. Lovett's shop

6. They're up in her window with her

7. He beat the crap out of me

8. He said he had candy in his house and all I wanted was candy but then he just started yelling about geese…it made me sad inside

WHO IS NUMBER 1 TO YOU?

I'm going to marry her!

DESCRIBE 2 IN 2 WORDS?

Best friend

HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND 3 BEEN FRIENDS?

Not long

ARE YOU ON NUMBER 4'S TOP?

I don't go on her profile…it scares me

DO YOU HAVE ANY CLASSES WITH NUMBER 5?

We're not in school

HOW LONG HAVE YOU AND NUMBER 6 BEEN FRIENDS?

Just a few days…but I'm sure I'll love them once I meet them for real

HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN NUMBER 7?

A couple days, but I never want to see him again because he makes me cry

DO YOU EVEN LIKE NUMBER 8?

NO!! He told me that he had candy and he didn't!

9

WHO!

WHO HAVE YOU KNOW THE LONGEST?

Mr. Todd

WHO DO YOU TELL YOUR SECRETS TOO?

I tell Mr. Todd all my secrets

WHO MAKES YOU LAUGH THE MOST?

Mr. Todd…he's so silly!

WHO ARE YOU THE CLOSEST TO?

Mr. Todd is my best friend

WHO IS THE OLDEST?

That judge has to know some dinosaurs he's so ancient

WHO HAVE YOU CRIED IN FRONT OF?I

I cry in front of anyone who will listen

WHO GETS ON YOU NERVES?

That Beadle and the mean man who wouldn't give me candy!

WHO IS THE PRETTIEST?

I feeeeeeel you Johaaaaanaaaaaa

NUMBER 1

WHY ARE THEY NUMBER 1?

Because I saw her in a window and she's pretty and I'm going to marry her! YAY!

DO YOU LOVE THEM?

More than anything in the world even though I've never even spoken to her

DO ANYTHING ILLEGAL WITH THEM?

I'm pretty sure kidnapping is illegal

ARE THEY SINGLE?

Not for long!

IS IT A BOY OR GIRL?

Girl

NUMBER 2

WHY ARE THEY NUMBER 2?

Mr. Todd is my best friend!

ARE THEY SINGLE?

As far as I know. I mean I'm sure that story he told about the barber who had the really hot wife and then the barber got arrested didn't have anything to do with him

DO YOU TRUST THEM?

With my life

SOMETHING YOU 2 LAUGHED ABOUT?

Ummm…Mr. Todd doesn't seem like the type who laughs a lot

NUMBER 3

WHY ARE THEY NUMBER 3?

She's so nice and wonderful

SOMETHING YOU 2 SHARE?

We both love Mr. Todd!

ARE THEY YOUR GOOD FRIEND?

Everyone is my good friend!

NUMBER 4

WHY ARE THEY NUMBER 4?

I don't know…I just felt like being friendly

WHAT ARE THEY TO YOU?

The crazy beggar who mumbles about alms

THEIR FAVORITE HOBBY?

Running around, muttering about alms, scaring poor innocent sailors until they cry

WHAT GRADE ARE THEY IN?

I doubt she's in school

BOY OR GIRL?

I'm pretty sure under all that dirt, grime, and fried chicken grease it's a girl

NUMBER 5

WHERE DO THEY LIVE?

With Mrs. Lovett

WHO DO THEY LIKE?

Ummm…don't tell anyone I said this, but I think he has a thing for Mrs. Lovett

WHEN IS THEIR BIRTHDAY?

I don't even think he knows

ARE THEY OLDER THAN YOU?

No

WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW THEM?

Last time I did Mrs. Lovett's hair

NUMBER 6?

HAVE ANY NICKNAMES?

Tweety and Feathers!

THEIR RACE?

Greenfinch and Linnett Bird

BOY OR GIRL?

I have no idea

DO YOU KNOW ANY OF THEIR FAMILY?

Hmm…does Johanna count?

DO YOU TWO LIVE CLOSE?

Soon, we'll live together! Hooray!

NUMBER 7

WHAT GRADE ARE THEY IN?

He's too stupid to EVER have been in school

SECRETLY HATE THEM?

Not secretly. But yes I do

ARE YOU ON THEIR TOP?

No

OR DO THEY EVEN HAVE A MYSPACE?

Yes. He uses it to look up young girls and pretend to be their age…*shudders*

NUMBER 8

WOW DO YOU EVEN LOVE THEM?

No! He's a big, fat, perverted meany! *cries*

DESCRIBE THEM?

Big. Fat. Perverted. Meany.

WHAT ARE THEY BEST AT?

Telling young, carefree, innocent sailors that he has candy for them then beating the crap out of them

SOMETHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF THEM?

Scary things. Like death. And destruction. And clowns.

**A/n: Alright everyone. Who do I use next?**


	4. Judge Turpin

**9A/n: Thank you everyone who is reviewing! I never EVER thought this story would make it past three chapters, but here we are. As I'm sure Saloma-Kiwi knows, I'm slightly abandoning my responsibilities to other stories…but that's only 'til I get a good idea of how I want the next chapter to go. I'd appreciate if you guys reading this story would R&R that too.**

**By popular demand (okay it was a tie, so Beadle will be next), here is your next chapter**

Chapter Four: Judge Turpin (Turnip for Nelliethepieangel!)

Your Top 8

1. Johanna

2. Lucy

3. That barber who looks oddly familiar though I cannot place him…it's as if I knew him in a past life…nah that's just crazy talk

4. The Beadle

5. The crazy baker who lives below that barber

6. The crazy Italian in the blue suit

7. Johanna again (that chick is HAWT)

8. That stupid sailor who thinks Johanna will marry him…HA!

Have you ever... with your number one

Gone Shopping Together

I never let her leave…EVER

Dated

We'll be married soon

Had A Dream About Them

o.O

Often

Kissed Them

Yes, but then she slapped me and yelled "GET AWAY YOU CREEP!"…it must be love

Been To Their House

She never leaves my house

Gone To The Same School

I gave her books to learn here…does that count?

Borrowed Their Car

What's a car?

Tattooed Their Name On You

I'm still deciding where to get it…

Forgot Their Birthday

Never

Vomited On Them

Once…I was very, very drunk

Have You Ever... With Your Number 2

Been A Couple

*drools* I did like her

Licked Them

I don't know…I was very drunk

Shared A Drink

Heh heh…I like her drunk

Skipped A Class Together

We were never in school together…we belong to different generations

Wrecked Their Car

What's a car?

Bought Them A Pet

I bought her flowers

Been On A Long Trip With Them

We were supposed to go on a beautiful honeymoon together…but then she killed herself…I wonder why…

Seen Their Baby Pictures

I imagine she looked a lot like Johanna as a baby

Have You Ever... With Your Number 3

Stole Something From Them

Not that I can think of…I mean it's not like I'd be a horrible person and steal his wife or something…I'm not a creep…always

Loaned Them Money

I won't give him any money…he keeps strange company

Told Them Your Deepest Darkest Secret

Don't you tell your barber secrets?

Borrowed Clothes From Them

Meh…I'm too good for his barber clothes…I like my over-tight pants and fancy judge jackets

Made Them Anything

I was going to give him money but nooooo he hangs out with that stupid sailor

Gave Them A Piece Of Gum

A piece of my mind maybe

Sang With Them

Pretty women…that was fun…though he was muttering something that sounded like "MUAHAHA I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!"…but nah, I'm sure he just doesn't enunciate

Went To An Amusement Park With Them

A what?

TP'd Their House

Did what?

Have you ever... with your number 4

Sang them a song

Well…he sang to me

Wrote them a song

No…I have better things to do

Drove Them Somewhere

He drives me crazy…does that work?

Visited them when they were sick

I tend to avoid him when he's sick…he gets the runs BAD

Bought them flowers before

No that's okay…I have better things to spend money on…like racy pictures to cover my peepholes! Woohoo! Peepholes=happy times man

Talked on the phone for more than 3 hours together

Talked on a what?

Gave them some clothes

*shudders* He borrows my clothes a lot…mostly because he says his wife throws his clothes out of the house when he gets home too late…

Wanna know why that's bad?

_He's not married!_

Went to Prom With Them

To what?

Colored them a picture

No…I keep all my racy pictures to myself

Taken a picture with them

Yes I have taken pictures from him

HAVE YOU EVER WITH YOUR NUMBER 5

Watched a scary movie together

A scary what?

Had an inside joke

I think her boots are a joke

Stood up for them when they were being made fun of

No…I am the big powerful judge…I do the making fun of

Bought them something for over $100

Why waste my money on her?

Been closer to them than your siblings

I don't have siblings…I was enough for my parents to handle

Went trick or treating together

Went where?

Talked outside of myspace

Dude…we don't even talk on myspace

Been envious of them

Her hair is pretty wicked…I wonder who does it for her

HAVE YOU EVER... WITH YOUR NUMBER 6

Regretted doing something with them

I regret buying that elixir…it reeks man, you have no idea

Been to a concert together

I've listened to him sing

Dated their sibling

Any sibling of theirs would be just as weird

Let them cheat off your homework

I'm the judge. I punish people for cheating

Flew on an airplane with them

A what?

Wished you didn't know this person

Every time I see him

Missed them so much you cried

I don't cry…it takes away from my masculine, intimidating air

Rode a roller coaster together

A what?

HAVE YOU EVER... WITH YOUR TOP 7

Seen them naked

Woo! Peep hole hour=happy hour for Turpin

Kissed them

I already answered this one

Met their parents

Yep…liked her mother…not her father so much, he got in my way

Danced together

Yes…all young ladies need to learn to dance and who better to teach her than me?

Taught them how to dance

That was a fun time

Borrowed their underwear

Only when she's not looking

Done anything illegal with them

Hmm…I think kidnapping is illegal

Left your clothes at their house

I accidentally left my jacket in her room once…man, she didn't come out from under her bed for a WEEK she was so freaked out

Loaned them more than $20

She doesn't need money, I'll provide everything she needs

Bought them a Christmas present

She never appreciates them

HAVE YOU EVER... WITH YOUR TOP 8

Dyed or highlighted their hair

His hair is weird man

Two words

GIRL. HAIR.

Kissed their sibling

No thanks…I'm saving myself for Johanna

Lost something very special to them

Johanna maybe

Went to their house when they weren't home

He lives on a ship and I get seasick

Cooked at their house

Again…no ships for me

Gone bowling with them

Gone where?

Spent more than 8 hours hanging out

I could beat him for eight hours…but I usually have the beadle do my dirty work

Gone to church together

I don't go to church. I strongly believe that I am God

Saved their life

I wouldn't if I had the chance

Been camping together

Maybe I'll take him camping…AND THEN KILL HIM

RANDOMNESS ABOUT YOUR TOP 8

Do you have more people of the same sex as you or opposite on top 8

Exactly equal

Have you ever changed your top 8 before filling out one of these surveys

If you think I have to change to be good enough for you, I'll have you beheaded

**A/n: Ugh…I feel so dirty after writing that chapter…I'd go take a shower but I'm stuck in Fine Arts class right now, and this is my last class of the day, but then I have show choir 'til 5:30…if you review it'll make me feel better…o.O**


	5. The Witch Formerly Known As Lucy

**A/n: remember me? Well, I'm back, with what I hope is a rather amusing Lucy survey. So here goes nothing! **

**To prepare for this chapter, I listened to the Hamster Dance on repeat to get my thoughts in a psychotic state. I think it worked.**

Chapter Five: The Witch Formerly Known As Lucy

1. What is Number 1's name?: DEVIL WOMAN

2. Have you kissed 1?: SHE'S THE DEVIL SHE IS!

3. Is number 1 cute?: …SQUAWK

4. Use 3 words to describe 1: devil witch woman!

5. Has number 1 ever given you a nickname?: she calls me a witch!

6. Ever stayed the night with number 1?: I snuck into her room and slept on the floor, but only because I couldn't find any rats to share a newspaper with!

-

7. Who is number 2 (name)?: the barber I recognize for no reason whatsoever

8. How long have you know 2?: I don't remember this morning!

9. Number 2 eye color?: Who are you?

10. Is 2 a cool person?: I prefer my cockroach friends

11. Does number 2 have a boyfriend?: HE WOULD GET ALONG WELL WITH MY INVISIBLE PET CHIMPANZEE. THEY WOULD HAVE BEAUTIFUL INVISIBLE CHIMP BABIES.

12. What if number 2 was famous?: He's famous in my dreams! It's as if I knew him…but that's crazy talk.

13. Does 2 smoke?: SMOKE! SIGN OF THE DEVIL! CITY ON FIRE!

14. Does 2 like Spongebob Squarepants?: He doesn't have square pants! He has tight pants!

15. Have you ever hugged number 2?: I could go for some fried chicken

16. Have you ever traveled anywhere with 2?: I travel everywhere! To the moon and to the stars and to the ocean and to the forest and to the castles…wait, what was the question?

17. Do you have a crush on number 2?: I crushed a cockroach friend last night! And then I cried. Then laughed. Then cried some more.

-

18. What is Number 3's name?: PRETTY SAILOR MANCHILD

19. Why are you friends with 3?: AAAAAAALMS, AAAAAAALMS, FOR A MISERABLE CHIMPANZEE!

20. How did you meet 3?: He was walking outside that judge's house then I asked him for alms and he started asking me about the blonde girl in the window and I said "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER, WHAT AM I, HER MOTHER?" then he got called inside by the judge and the judge offered him candy and…where am I?

21. Would you date 3?: I'll "date" anyone once. Don't judge me.

22. What color is 3's hair?: a girly shade of blond-ish brown…I wonder who does it for him?

23. Have you ever kissed 3?: I threw myself at him once. He refused me. I can't imagine why.

24. Have you ever gotten drunk/high with 3?: I watched him from a roof once. That was pretty high up.

25. Have you ever dated number 3?: mischief!

-

26. What is number 4's name?: Roachy

27. Have you hugged 4?: I tried. That was how I crushed him.

28. When was the last time you saw 4?: a few minutes ago before I killed him

29. What if number 4 was a guy?: I can't distinguish cockroach genitalia!

30. What if number 4 was a girl?: Come on everybody, it's the hamster dance!

31. Do you own anything signed by 4?: Maybe. I can't read.

32. Has 4 ever seen you naked?: Many people see me naked. I can't keep them all straight!

33. Have you met 4's family?: Oh yes! All cockroaches are family!

34. Have you ever heard number 4 sing?: He used to sing me Madonna songs when I couldn't sleep. *sobs* Go away! I don't want to talk to you anymore!

-

35. What is number 5's name?: Judge. No first name. No last name. Everyone calls him Judge. Wheeeeee!

36. Number 5's middle name?: Judge. His name is Judge Judge. But everyone calls him Judge.

37. Have you ever hung out with 5?: Sometimes I hang upside down from trees!

38. Have you ever seen 5 in a swimsuit: He skinny dips.

39. Has 5 ever seen you do something embarrassing?: I don't think so. It's not like I got drunk at a party and let him do horrible things to me!

40. How did you meet number 5?: I hang around outside his house and harass girly sailor boys

41. Can number 5 play an instrument?: He plays the mouth organ!

42. Would you go on a road trip with number 5?: Is that like an acid trip? WOOOO! I'm in!

43. What is number 6's name?: Skippy. He's a rat.

44. Have you done anything sexual with 6?: DON'T JUDGE ME!

45. Do you know when 6's birthday is?: We are the piraaaaaates who don't do anything!

46. Does number 6 have a younger sibling?: *nods head affirmatively* those rats sure can breed

47. What if number 6 lived with you?: I don't live anywhere!

48. Has 6 ever heard you sing?: I sing to everyone. Mostly about mischief. And smoke. And cities on fire. DEVIL WOMAN! *twitches*

49. Has number 6 ever agreed with you about something when no one else did?: He understood my bond with Roachy. Even came to the funeral.

-

50. What is number 7's name?: Beadle! Beadle! No good hiding, I saw you!

51. Would you ever kiss 7?: I wouldn't have if I'd known he was such a lousy tipper!

52. Does 7 live close?: close to what? Where am I? Is that a balloon? OMG! BRB!

53. Does number 7 wear makeup?: I live my life, I let him live his

54. Is number 7 gay?: I don't judge anyone

55. What is 7's favorite color?: NOODLES.

56. Does 7 have an Aunt Flo?: Maybe! He might have an Aunt Mabel! Or an Aunt Rita! Or an Aunt Gigi! Who are you again?

57. Have you ever done anything illegal with 7?: Nahhh. Wait, prostitution is totally legal right?

58. Have you ever had a crush on 7?: DON'T SAY THAT WORD! Poor Roachy!

59. Have you ever dated 7?: Like I said, I'll "date" anyone once

60. How long have you known number 7?: How do you expect me to know this when sometimes I forget my middle name?

61. Have you ever kissed number 7?: spare change?

62. Have you danced with number 7?: I dance wherever anyone will see me!

-

63. What is number 8's name?: Piss with ink! At least, that's what the barber calls him!

64. Are you and 8 close?: I can see him across the plaza right now! Does that count?

65. What is number 8's favorite color?: His suit is blue! I like blue! It looks like the sky! Not really, smog ruins everything!

66. Does 8 have a crush on you?: NOOO! ROACHY!

67. Have you seen a movie with number 8?: CITY ON FIRE!

68. Would you ever kiss number 8?: He's a lousy tipper too

69. Has 8 been in your house?: I have no house! I live free! But it does suck that I no longer have the use of a straightener or concealer

70. Out of the top 8 Who makes you laugh?: *bursts out laughing for no reason*

71. Out of the top 8 Who makes you smile?: I try to avoid smiling. My pimp doesn't supply dental insurance.

72. Out of the top 8 Who is the loudest?: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

73. Out of the top 8 funniest?: *starts sobbing*

74. Out of the top 8 who would you die for?: Die for? Why would I ever die for anyone? That'd be silly!

75. Out of the top 8 smartest?: DUCK TALES! WOOO-OOO-OOO!

76. Out of the top 8 most sensitive?: My skin must be sensitive. I keep getting these rashes.

77. Out of the top 8 nicest?: I love you Roachy. I'll never forget you.

78. Out of the top 8 who can you tell all your problems too?: I tell my problems to the world

79. Out of the top 8 who do you wish you could see more?: …who sent you?

80. Out of the top 8 who lives closest?: closest to what? I don't have a house!

81. Out of the top 8 Who's unique?: I don't know what that word means.

82. Have you ever kissed anyone in your top 8?: yes, and none of them tip well

83. Have you ever dated anyone in your top 8?: haven't we been through this?

84. Have you ever seen anyone in your top 8 cry?: CITY ON FIRE.

85. Has anyone in your top 8 seen you cry?: I don't cry. I ripped my tear ducts out one night when I'd finished all my ironing had nothing better to do

86. Out of the top 8 who have you known the longest? Who are you? Who am I?

87. Which person in your top 8 do you know the best?: Beast? BEAST? WHERE?

88. Anyone on your top eight a musician?: Roachy had such a lovely soprano

89. Who on your top eight is the coolest?: WHICHEVER ONE WILL GIVE ME THE REST OF MY TIP!

90. Who's the closest to you in your top eight?: I can see the eye-talian right now!

91. Would you ever go on a road trip with all 8 of them?: COURT DISMISSED! BRING IN THE DANCIN' LOBSTERS!


End file.
